Rough Morning

As a mommy to a little boy with special needs, I sometimes forget that the rest of the world doesn't always get to know how amazing and perfect and wonderful he is. First, he looks like everyone else (probably cuter than many) and he blends in for the most part so until his social and speech delays come to the surface, many people don't even notice. His sweet and fun personality come through shortly after these delays show themselves but only certain people get to really experience how unbelievably amazing this boy really is. When I tell people how lucky I am and when I tell him every single night that I am the luckiest mommy ever, I one hundred percent truly mean it.

Having said all this, it doesn't mean that I am immune to the ignorance, lack of education on the subject and all out shortage of compassion that exists in our world. I don't believe that most people who say or do hurtful things, mean to come off the way that they do. Anyone that knows me, knows that my mission in life is to find the good in any person and any situation. Somehow though, it's easier to take hurtful things that affect you as a person than it is to handle things that affect your children.

In the past I have gotten comments from friends in my life (some who are educators) that range from "I didn't know he was doing so bad" after I had just spent 10 minutes saying how wonderfully he was doing, to the question of whether I had gotten a Flu shot while pregnant.  Just to clear up any future questions, I didn't eat Feta cheese and mercury based fish and whatever else was on the list. I had a perfect pregnancy and as far as I'm concerned, a perfect child. But I digress.. People are people and for some, the idea of doing what they think they can do to prevent having a child like mine is more important to them than common kindness. I only wish children like mine on special people because only certain people deserve the treasures that I get to experience daily. We work hard over here I don't pretend otherwise, but the love and rewards are wonderful and they come often.

So today I was simply taking my son for an eye exam so he can start school in the fall. The district is accepting our "inconclusive" result from prior exams but I wanted to try one more time. He knows all the answers but that 20 feet between his body and the eye chart turns out to be a very distracting 20 feet. I simply want to be sure before he starts school that he isn't straining in any way, for his own comfort. I told the front desk at my doctor's office that I wanted someone patient who could devote a few extra minutes to the process and they said they understood. They could not however predict who we  were going to get and as luck would have it today we got Cruella Deville.

She was snarky and sassy from the minute we went to the room and it was downhill from there. The eye chart has one side with obscure shapes and one side with numbers and letters. When we asked him to show us the objects he would easily point but had a tougher time verbalizing what he was seeing from 20 feet away. The kid taught himself to read at 3 years old so knowing the information was not a question. The nasty woman went from bad to worse as the seconds ticked by and my hope for a stress free and calm exam effort quickly went out the window. When I asked her if we could give him another minute to just take in his surroundings she snapped and said she had to go give shots.

She stormed off and I followed her to the common area where I was clearly upset and vocalized what was happening. I told the staff that we were very flexible in booking our appointment time and simply asked for someone who was patient who could help us get an accurate reading and wasn't in a rush. By now I was welling up and a woman who has always been great to my boys came and tried the exam again. The problem was that I was a wreck by that time and he was over it. I went into the exam not really caring if we got an accurate result but simply wanting to give it a fair try.I left hysterical.

I really don't get knocked down very often but for some reason this was such a significant experience. It just really hit me that if we can't get compassion and understanding in our own doctor's office, what is my baby to expect from the rest of the world?! Most everyone that meets him immediately loves him including typically developing children and we always have a wonderful experiences when we go to our pediatrician but this situation was a gross dose of reality that was just too much for me to swallow.

I can't force myself to believe that only people directly affected by a situation or that are in a similar boat, can have compassion for others. I think kindness is something that people either have or they don't. Not everyone holds doors for others or treats strangers with respect but in the support industry I believe that if you don't have compassion or kindness at your core, you really should choose another path. Skills and training are not enough. Just because you received your certification does not mean you are qualified.

This experience was a blow for me because I know my amazing son will be faced with ignorance many more times along his journey. The upside to this miserable morning though is that I am re-inspired to continue educating others and reminding people that just because they think they know what he has to offer does not mean that they have even scratched the surface. My son's teacher once said that they like to put diagnosis and details on the child's file to which I said please don't put any labels on our file. If they want to know my son then they are more than welcome to go meet him and get to know him! It is really time for everyone to realize that just because they are different does not mean that they aren't wonderful people, peers and friends. It may take a few more seconds of time and patience but the payoff is well worth it.